About three Days in La Rochelle (3)

La Rochelle, December 1985

The boys installed Virgile’s Emulator next to the turntables, and when it comes to “Shake The Disease” sampled voices of radio hosts announcing the track with dreadful french accents rise and mix on the extended version; which makes people laugh and dance at the same time.

All three take each other by the shoulders in front of us, and move frenetically for a bit , chained like that; before returning to their respective positions. Virgile adds chord and voices effects several times. Of course they don’t have their own mix table yet, and they get by with what they have.

But the temperature has gone up a notch in the room, and we have the impression of moving in a sphere of heavy steam in which the violet light diffuses.
I met on “Just One Kiss” the same trance of tears I had on Val’s birthday ; a smooth trance, but one of those I often have when I’m with friends , and the music is so good , that neither my mind nor my body is anymore in conversation; or just with the melodic lines and the imperious pulsation of the rhythm. I’m not with anybody anymore, even not with myself I think. It is likely that this passion for music has at times made me a little asocial; because I no longer belong to the world around me when I’m in states like these.

What has been magical in all boys ‘ set , is that from mockery moments , with their own contagious beat, took over pure puffs of amorous lyricism in forever-extended songs like those of The Cure. As I was not to myself , I felt briefly some presence around me though.
And it was not a good one, even if it disappeared quickly . In an instant all my flesh came in alarm; and I came back to myself.
Maude and Diane were looking at me with a devastated air.
“ Didn’t you feel it , Epo? The boy, he touched you .”

I was still all dizzy, unable to answer anything; feeling all the weight of shame grab my flesh.
“ We will not accept that, said Maude, come , we’re gonna find him; he needs to hear a few home truths…”
We didn’t find him in the crowd, but Coquelicot who just arrived from Marans where she was working, Girls must have told her what had happened, but I felt the event was drowning in the pleasure they had to meet each other again.
Where the fuck was Colin? Enjoying himself, for sure. Everybody was enjoying himself, but I couldn’t share their happy mood anymore. Something twisted my stomach and made me tremble all over the place.

I don’t think they noticed that I was walking away; I really wanted to go to the toilets; to lock myself in and let my tears of rage run free. What was going on? I felt so dirty and I couldn’t help but fear that they would despise me, because I had not reacted, because I had not defended myself; because in a nutshell I was elsewhere when it happened.
From there also I had to go out, because other girls were getting impatient at the door.

Leaning against the wall of the room where we danced, He was there. Quite tall, and I could barely see a look that I yet felt cruelly ironic:

“So you never resist, like that?”
Against all caution, I stuck my head towards him, I wanted to see him; to see his pervert face within reach of my spit.
He had nothing from a thug, on the contrary. Judging by his clothes, he even seemed precisely a motherfucker from a good family. But with the features weighed down by unashamed concupiscence and alcohol.

“ Just fuck off. I was immersed in music.”
I still remember his nasal and unbearable burst of laughter. I remember it like the very sound of the abuse; the one perpetuated for centuries by this kind of privileged little guy, for whom the whole world must be at his disposal or even at his mercy. But I didn’t have the strength to spit, anger and fear had made me run out of saliva.

“ Hey c’mon baby, it’s obvious you’re made for me. Just One Kiss …”