Pontaillac, January 1986
Happy new year my Alb, and once more, infinite thanks for your letter ; your understanding, your strength, all … You wrote just the words I needed to read.
I’ve thought so many times about this contrariety which almost ruined my night with you all , and I couldn’t find a real explanation to what happened… I’m so sure that I’m not provocative when I dance ; it’s just that I feel music so much that I become music by dancing sometimes. I mean, there’s no boundary between myself , my body; and rhythm, and words when I’m into it. And I’m not aware of what may come out of me when it’s like that.
I wondered if I could, if I was allowed to express myself in such a way again; if I wasn’t a little bit responsible for this guy’s behavior after all…
I know such thoughts could make you jump of indignation , but you know, I’m still surrounded at school by boys who sometimes act as if we were taken for granted , it’s a common way of being ; even if it’s not acceptable, and nobody tells them much about it; about self-education with girls …
But I received your gift; my own “A Secret Wish “ album , Colin had bought it already; but having mine filled my heart with joy. And I discovered it again; especially “Frozen Faces” that is made for this night…
Take this break and dance
There are so much nuggets in it ! Listening to a vinyl is magical.
I’ve got my own record player , as a blue pick-up now (my Christmas present ! ) … And I love to drink tea , and listen to an album from the beginning to the end ; with nothing more in my head than the blood pressure of songs. Alone and concentrated , I felt exactly what you wrote me about Propaganda’s masterpiece ; how their universe formed in my mind over the tracks, how Edgar Poe’s verses shaped the strength to dream upon Fritz Lang’s buildings and landscapes.
There are only few weeks until my school travel to Stuttgart now, I’ll try to bring back all I’ll find about this wonderful band…
I got a great mark on my folder about “A Secret Wish” it fell into the hands of Greta, my penpal. She did a bit of the same kind of thing about A-ha.
But I have the impression that she is even more enraged than me … Anyway, she seems to be a cool girl , living with her grandma in a little house near the High School . And she’s got a “fan room” in it, what can it be? Of course I’ll write you about it all ; still hoping than the rantings of a dumb teenager in full age won’t annoy you.
I feel like having another brother with you. But one who would come now with just what’s good in fraternity; without the arguments or the experience of stupid things done together ( even if stupid things are so good sometimes !)
I’ve seen your anger in front of this dumbass who attacked me; and I usually don’t like anger or boys’ fights .
It really seems anger is the only feeling boys can allow themselves , because anger is virile; and it gets on my nerves but here, it was such a rightful anger that no one has dared to stand in your way.
I was a little afraid that you would strangle this asshole who wouldn’t even deserve it, and we were all paralyzed because we felt it was something else than defending me.
It was putting a stop to all those who would allow themselves inappropriate gestures on girls this night; it was putting a stop to those privileged people who think that the bodies of others are at their disposal.
And even if it is not advisable to strangle idiots with their shirt collars; I think you did us, girls in particular, a great favor…
So, I send you all , all my wishes for this new year; and I hope Colin will drive me in La Rochelle again before summer, and I hope I’ll study in this beautiful town next year.
Loads of Kisses